Boston Dust Mites has received an unconfirmed report that the first ever alien contact has included a Red Sox-related message. The message was received on April 2, 2013 and transmitted to the NORAD base inside Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado. While government cryptographers were at first unable to decipher the message, a young Red Sox fan living near Colorado Springs discovered the key. As the photo shows, the alien life forms are urging further playing time for Jackie Bradley, Jr. We could not agree more, ET!
A completely unreliable source has informed Boston Dust Mites that the Red Sox—ever mindful of the luxury tax threshold—have gone on the cheap for this year's Truck Day. Instead of the large, imposing moving van of years past, the ownership group has decided to just pack a few essentials into a Thrifty-Rent-A-Car panel truck (see picture). Players on the 40-man roster or those who have a Spring Training invitation will need to bring their own stuff. Reportedly, some of the veteran players were upset with the new plan, but they were quickly mollified by new iPad minis for each of their family members.
A completely unreliable source has reported to Boston Dust Mites that 84-year old former Red Sox first baseman Dick Gernert may be in the mix for a 2013 job. Gernert played eight years for Boston (1952-1959), clouting 101 home runs over that span. In today's metrics, he also compiled a not-too-shabby .788 OPS for the Carmine Hose. His defense, however, was pretty shabby—but frankly might be superior to their only other current option, 28-year old Mauro Gomez (unless an accommodation is reached with Mike Napoli). In a related story, Bill Buckner has reportedly already refused an invite to Spring Training.
Completely unreliable sources have told Boston Dust Mites (a wholly-owned subsidiary of a big, irrelevant newspaper) that the Red Sox may be considering a reprise of their wildly successful "balloon hunt" from last April. You may remember that, on the verge of the 100th Anniversary Game at Fenway, the team distributed 100 green balloons around Boston with tickets to the historic match against their traditional rival New York Yankees. Fans stomped all over each other to grab and pop the balloons to see if the cherished ducats were inside. This year, the team may float a total of 117 (3X39) balloons some of which will contain this year's standard three-year, thirty-nine million dollar contract. Lucky fans who pop the right balloons will be signed to the multi-year pact—providing they are over thirty years of age and can only play a platoon role. Be on the lookout this Spring (maybe, because this source is pretty useless).